


Mistakes

by thedrunkenwerewolf



Series: Heirverse: Phase 2 (Can We Survive This?) [15]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Character Study, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Mistakes, Regret, standalone ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21683857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkenwerewolf/pseuds/thedrunkenwerewolf
Summary: Aizen reflects on his past mistakes and hurting Gin and decides he wants to be better. Aigin. Standalone ficlet. Notes inside.
Relationships: Aizen Sousuke/Ichimaru Gin
Series: Heirverse: Phase 2 (Can We Survive This?) [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1304048
Kudos: 7





	Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> heirverse. post cwst. P3 or 2 can't decide (but probably late p2). Can be and is encouraged to be read on its own. References to Scarred tissues and Wolf 359 (please listen to this podcast). Me Projecting very heavily onto Aizen. Written several months after I wrote Last of Me.
> 
> again, if you like my works please let me know so I know what to write more of.

_That's one of the things about being a person. We can't just change who we are. But... we get better. We get things wrong, and we get better."_

_\- Gabriel Urbina (Wolf 359 podcast, episode: Memoria)_

**Mistakes**

Aizen Sousuke had made so very many mistakes in his life. Probably far too many to count, let alone keep track of.

But there were a few that stood out. A handful that he regretted. And one that he vowed never to repeat ever again.

It'd been devastating in its consequences. And he was foolish in believing he was prepared for what would come after. Not just for Gin, but himself too.

It had been a stupid decision. If not the stupidest. And he'd spent long enough suffering the consequences for the lesson to be drilled into his concrete skull and into the grey matter beneath it.

You don't hurt or betray the ones you love. Period. End of.

No ifs no buts. You just don't.

A lesson learned the hard way. The most agonising way. Through pain. And heartache. And suffering.

And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. For strength. For forgiveness. For the suffering to stop not just for himself. For the best thing in his life to not disappear. For this not to be The End.

For a time, the longest time, he felt very lost. But that was his fault.

For a time, one that seemed to stretch on forever, he suffered. But he deserved that; he'd brought it upon himself.

For a year that felt like an eternity, he watched Gin suffer. The worst price of all to pay for one. Single. Stupid. Mistake.

A part of him kept saying it was inevitable. That Gin would've found out he was a terrible person anyway. It may as well be now. And that may be true. Perhaps he was a bad person.

Looking back, the things he'd done in his life certainly argued that case.

But... he'd wanted to be better. And when Gin walked into his life, he wanted that more than ever. To just... be better.

And when Gin forgave him for his stupid awful mistake, he really wanted to try to be better.

Sure, he'd spend forever, the rest of his life even (however long that was), making up for it. He'd probably never be able to make up for it. But he still wanted to try. To show he'd learned from his mistakes.

Yes, there were still days he felt a little bit lost. Yes, some days were harder than others. The mass of Scarred tissue around his heart would never go away. Never fully heal. Never vanish. It would always be there as a painful reminder. Especially on the Bad Days. When the voice screeched it's loudest and it took everything he had to just get through the day. And the scarred tissues throbbed painfully. Reminding him of the lesson.

But that was the thing about being a person. He couldn't change who he was. But... he'd get better. He got things wrong, but he was going to get better.

Slowly but surely. One day at a time. He would get better.


End file.
